Day 54: we might be on mars

Green River State Park, UT to Capitol Reef National Park, UT — 94.4 mi, 4,440 ft

Ishaq is driving today, which means his strategy for waking people up is to yap loudly until we get too annoyed to stay in our tents. He’s been in his blasting Alvin and the Chipmunks out the speaker era, so I pop my AirPods in and start packing up.

Today is a slow morning. Tian’s missing a glove, so she goes back to the nearby laundromat to hunt for it. She finds her glove in the washer, which is totally not my fault since I totally was not in charge of laundry yesterday (I’m sorry). Meanwhile, Ishaq is complaining about the breakfast dishes not being clean and Sarah and Joseph’s tent not being taken down, then promptly starts dancing around. Ramona, the kindest soul, takes dishes into her own hands, while I take the tent down, which guilts Sarah into also helping take her tent down. Joseph is nowhere to be found.

Ramona and I finally leave once I assure her that she has contributed enough for the morning, and we embark on our 94 mile day. The beginning is uneventful, and we skip the first rest stop because Ishaq is slow. We continue biking, at some point passing a slightly concerning sign:

I decide to play a fun game with Ramona to make her stop asking me questions about credit cards: make her guess how far a geological structure is. I point out a massive pile of rocks in the distance and she guesses 6 miles. I mock what I think is a ridiculously small distance, so she modifies it to 3-30 miles, earning my agreement. After a couple miles, we turn right, and the rocks are still very much in the distance. I guess we’ll never know how far they really are 🤷‍♀

At the completely barren rest stop 2, I declare I’m going to pee in front of the car to shelter myself from potential highway peepers. After some debate (i.e. Charles loudly stating that he doesn’t want my pee to flow anywhere he’d have the slightest chance of seeing and/or stepping on it), I find the least sad bush around to cover me. Ramona later pees in the exact same spot, then proceeds to ask Charles questions about credit cards.

The day is long, and though all 10 of our climbs are very demure, it’s hot out and therefore easy for us to get dehydrated. We are also almost out of individual electrolytes. Luckily, we were gifted big packets of fruit punch electrolytes early on the trip, and the gallon batches have been carrying me for the past few days. I began to ponder: what percentage electrolyte am I? So, I did the math:

Charles and Greta + Sarah and Joseph catch up to us, and we do a rare 6 person bike ride (Tian is very far ahead of us, per usual). We debate about who would win a Spokes hunger games. Initially we decide that no one could kill Ramona because she’s Ramona, and ramona couldn’t kill anyone because she’s Ramona, so we introduce the caveat that everyone is definitely bloodthirsty. We still think Ramona would win because she’s basically Katniss (she did archery in middle school!!). Sarah would definitely die first while running to the cornucopia. Tian would win the hearts of the sponsors and silently kill people with her secret supplies. Ishaq would hide with his iPad and a sprite. Charles might make it far but would definitely forget some essential part of a not-so-very thought out attack plan. Greta is fast and would outrun all the crazy animals being released. She would also probably kill a lot of people. Joseph without sponsored tools is screwed, but Joseph with sponsored tools may be lethal. Apparently I would build a mightily fortified treehouse and hide there until falling victim to something or someone that causes me to die tragically in Ramona’s arms. All in all, an entertaining discussion.

I decide to induct Charles and Greta in the “how far is that geological structure” game. Charles guesses 20 miles, Ramona jokes 2 miles, and Greta unironically guesses 2.5 miles. I smartly avoid giving a number to avoid the unavoidable clowning of a terrible guess, which Charles received when we discover the rocks are a mere 3.5 miles away.

At the next rest stop at Bull’s market, we run into a fellow cross-country biker. He’s doing a solo self-supported trip from Denver to someplace near the Pacific, so his struggles are both similar and very different from ours. Our mouths were agape as he talked about camping on the side of the highway and biking starting at 3am. We could never.

After the next rest stop, Ramona and I separate from the rest of the group again and talk about our family. I discover that her dad has a slightly different last name due to gendered Latvian nouns, and she discovers that my middle name is my dad’s first name. Her uncle and his dad and his dad all have the same name (Arnolds Treimanis, if you were curious). I don’t tell her this, but there are actually 3 Ruth’s in my slightly extended family.

Since today is such a long day, we’re planning on eating out using money that Spokes 2019 graciously gave us. At the next rest stop, we’re informed that the restaurant closes at 9pm. It’s 6:30 and we have 10 miles left. Ishaq pushes me away from the car, literally, and Ramona and I lock in for the final stretch. I’ve gotta say, seeing the Capitol Reef sign after 90+ miles was such almost euphoric.

We enter the campgrounds and the first thing I notice is deer! There are so many deer! Deer here and deer there, deer deer everywhere.

After delighting over the deer, Ramona and I head to the car, where Ishaq and Tian have already put all our tents up—u da best. We’re informed that there are no showers. NO. SHOWERS. I’m stinky and sweaty, so Ramona and I head to the bathrooms and wash ourselves in the sink. A lot more effective than I expected. Once everyone arrives, we squish in the car with 5 other stinky bikers and head to the Mexican restaurant. The roof rack is empty and is flapping insanely in the wind, so we take it down as soon as we get there.

The restaurant was tons of fun. We have $25 to spent per person, which is enough for me to get a drink, dinner, and dessert. Sarah and I bond over our delicious horchatas. Thank you, Spokes 2019!

We leave at 9:30, meaning the restaurant should’ve kicked us out half an hour ago. We go to the grocery store to buy some ice, leave, realize we forgot firewood, drive back to the grocery store, and buy firewood (we’re not locked in). I’m extremely hyper at this point for no apparent reason, but I can already tell I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.

When we arrive back at the campground, the car starts beeping. More like shrieking. I’m pretty sure we woke everyone up. It stopped just as suddenly as it started, and we discretely continue driving to our area, hoping no one noticed.

We start prepping for bed when I discover a missing tent. I ask tian if she pitched all four tents and she says yes. If it’s gone, it’s gone. I sulk away, fairly certain I’ll have to sleep in the car. But alas, what’s that in the distance? A couple feet away, hiding in some tall grass, is a single tent, suspiciously isolated. Charles walks over, circles it, seems satisfied, then carries it back to our area. He seems to think the wind took it away, but I’m pretty sure it was the deer.

To wrap up the night, we sit around a campfire and contemplate life.

Ramona: Are we on Earth or Mars?
Charles: You know, it’s a cosmic coincidence that the sun and moon are same size—they’re different on other planets
Ishaq: The side of the moon we see is always the same
Ruth: 🎵the dark side of… the mooooon🎵
Ramona: Do you think the stars look the same from Mars as they do from Earth?
Greta and Ruth: No
Everyone else: Yes
Charles: The moon is proof we’re on Earth

Right at our peak philosophical moment, we hear scurrying. We whip our heads and shine a bright light on a guilty looking raccoon with a bag of bagels in its mouth. Our bagels. The raccoon stole our bagels. We might be hallucinating, so maybe it’s time to sleep. The festivities conclude, our fire dwindles, and we bid each other farewell until morn.

I’m unfortunately wide awake, so Charles and I end the night with our trusted camping card game, gin rummy, which I promptly lose so badly that he spares adding the loss to our ongoing record. I’m still not tired, but I let Charles sleep because I’m kind like that. I sit with my thoughts, which include wondering if we’ll all be stinky tomorrow, as well as debating whether the shuffling sound outside the tent was raccoons foraging through our belongings. I ultimately decide that, yes, we will all smell bad, and yes, those are raccoons. Too lazy to shoo them away, I finally drift to sleep.